T.

T.

I receive a message on my telephone from a number I do not have saved. It is from T. She has gotten my new number from Z. “How are you?” The message reads. “I would love to see you.”

I ignore this message. The next day, my phone rings and I answer it – it is T. “How are you?” She says. We converse for fifteen minutes. By the time that we hang up, we have agreed to meet at eight the following evening for a drink.

Eight, the following evening. I go to the place we have agreed to meet. T. is not there. I call her. She does not answer her phone. I wait for fifty minutes, and then leave.

I send T. a text message. In it, I suggest to her that it is perhaps perverse to go to the trouble of getting the new phone number of someone whom one has not seen or heard from for some time, then contact that someone and tell them that one would love to see them - talk to them and arrange a time to meet them - and then, simply not meet them. She texts back. She says that her cousin died today, and that as a consequence she did not feel like coming out. She says, she will phone me on Monday.

I reflect. Should I - do I, have a right to feel aggrieved? Did I want to feel aggrevied? I was contemplating the question – this means that I did – but what followed from that? I had to assume that T. was telling the truth – but she still could have at least have let me know. Or was that I was supposed to think that her grief had struck her dumb.

I think – what do I actually want from this person? I suppose to myself, probably not so much. Did I want to speak to her on Monday? On balance, probably not so much. What, then, to do when she phones? Nothing – anything: it really doesn’t matter either way.