02 January 2007
assymetrical and smiling...run away!
Infinite Thought is not scared of much (apart from cars, dogs, people, work and the eventual eradication of pork pies) but one thing terrifies her above all else...and that thing is HIPSTER CLONES!
Where do they all come from, these lanky, asymmetrically-haired Wagamama-staffing, Fopp-working, charity street-hustling, exotically attractive, utterly pleasant human success stories? I'm sure there's a subtle form of discrimination going on in these places - have you ever seen a podgy person with a charity clip-board (even a goth or indie-type fat person)? Has an obese man in nylon trousers ever served you noodles at Wagamama? No, they haven't! That's because all the unattractive, badly-dressed short folk have all been killed and eaten by these utterly well-adjusted tall hipster clones...saving up for their eleventh gap year! (Don't tell me those charity-types do it for nothing).
I used to think that hipsters were cold, cruel, aloof, slack-jawed judgemental beasts with blank eyes and an unnerving manner that made you wonder with a shiver just what it was that they wanted. But now I know that the true hipster (perhaps the new breed) is kitted out with an immense arsenal of social niceties. This generation is much more effective. And much more sinister. One gets the feeling that if one managed to seduce you, you might end up eaten, and all the while they would talk to you about how wonderful that full moon party on some third world beach was, and how you'd have loved it, if only you hadn't spent all your time reading books. But you would still be eaten...and they'll have won!
Refuse the pleasant hipster! All hail the scowling, scuttling, world-hating, beady-eyed, er, refusist!
Where do they all come from, these lanky, asymmetrically-haired Wagamama-staffing, Fopp-working, charity street-hustling, exotically attractive, utterly pleasant human success stories? I'm sure there's a subtle form of discrimination going on in these places - have you ever seen a podgy person with a charity clip-board (even a goth or indie-type fat person)? Has an obese man in nylon trousers ever served you noodles at Wagamama? No, they haven't! That's because all the unattractive, badly-dressed short folk have all been killed and eaten by these utterly well-adjusted tall hipster clones...saving up for their eleventh gap year! (Don't tell me those charity-types do it for nothing).
I used to think that hipsters were cold, cruel, aloof, slack-jawed judgemental beasts with blank eyes and an unnerving manner that made you wonder with a shiver just what it was that they wanted. But now I know that the true hipster (perhaps the new breed) is kitted out with an immense arsenal of social niceties. This generation is much more effective. And much more sinister. One gets the feeling that if one managed to seduce you, you might end up eaten, and all the while they would talk to you about how wonderful that full moon party on some third world beach was, and how you'd have loved it, if only you hadn't spent all your time reading books. But you would still be eaten...and they'll have won!
Refuse the pleasant hipster! All hail the scowling, scuttling, world-hating, beady-eyed, er, refusist!
