02 June 2009
more on marriage/names
[From Mark R: In order to end all the horrible aspects of romantic attachment such as domestic violence and economic bondage (which have only replicated themselves within the gay community since it took the monogamous couple as hegemonic) we should be fighting for a new marriage law: only betrothals of three or more partners permitted. Then this name problem will look seriously minor in relation to the myriad other issues we'd have to deal with.]
[From Mark K: All naming should be matrilineal, since the rate of false paternity over the generations means that people are never descended from their 'forefather' whose name they bear. Children should bear the surname of the earliest female-line ancestor discoverable through genealogical research. Once you're grown up though you need to keep the same name so that old friends can find you on Facebook.]
[From Evan: Both, from there on out, go by "Comrade + first name".]
And this longer, very interesting response from someone:
'We got married nearly six years ago. There was never any question of me having his name. I did, however, offer to swap. If you want me to have yours, I said, then you must have mine. He declined. What amazes me is how many women still take their husband's name (surely the absolute sign of ownership); and what amazes me even more is how some people (sadly members of both our families) write to me (yes, they don't like internet either) as Mrs J XXXXXXX (i.e. using his name). Where you really get into trouble is with companies and banks. You tell them you are married or tick the box for married and then they don't know what to call you if you remind them you don't share the same name. I am currently in a co-op bank Kafka nightmare because they are so confused by my name versus my married status. I am called Ms on one account, Miss on another and elsewhere, Mrs. Because of this, I cannot use online accounting and see all accounts at the same time because of my, er, title. If I was a geezer, I'd just be Mr. So, IT, the next question is: do we go for Ms or Miss or Mrs?
Personally, I say MS every time. I am Ms XXXXXX. Mrs is back to the ownership problem, plus it also means you are kind of redundant because you're taken, and makes me feel like a plump person in a pinny. Miss is far too prim, as if I'm still a virgin or pretending I'm one. I like difficulty in saying Ms (Muzz), and the fact that no-one knows if it might mean I'm gay or bi or something very much other than married. Having said all that, having always thought marriage was a definite no-no, I can assure you it's a very good thing.'
and further:
'The man at the Co-op bank also struggled to pronounce Ms. He seemed embarrassed to say it. In 2009. Can you believe it? What the fuck happened to feminism?
I might add that since gay people can now marry, I think a lot of the problems with being married - for me anyway - have gone. Except that once you are married people then have a real problem with the fact you have no kids. Why did you get married, they wonder?'
