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Q&A
JONATHONG
FREEDLAND

Jonathong Freedland is a senior writer, editor and contributor for The Guardian, having for years worked from his centre-left position of constructive criticism, along with Andrew Marr and Alan Rusbridger. He is good friends with many Blairite figures, a member of the self-appointed north London intellectual elite and a Jewish zionist in favour of most Sharonist moves that defy the Oslo accords.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Being editor of the Guardian newspaper.

What is your greatest fear? Realising that I am an apologist for genocide and fascism.

What or who is the greatest love of your life? Shimon Peres.

What is your greatest fear?
An inability to acknowledge my undoubted intellectual superiority.

Where would you like to live?
Not Jerusalem, too mixed. Er, Dallas, no. Umm, er, oh go on then; Tel Aviv.

What makes you depressed?
The daily grind that other people face every day of their unfortunate lives. I would like to help but once you get involved they never let go.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Anti-semite.

Do you believe in monogamy?
Only during work hours!

What is your favourite word?
Redolent.

What is your favourite building?
Well, there were two of them but that fundamentalist b**t**d destroyed them.

What cause would you die for?
The editorship of the Guardian.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
'Tis a Christian question that I shall not deign to answer.

Have you ever said ‘I love you’ and not meant it?
Never. Ever. I do not believe that it exists. I believe that it is a necessary construct to give people hope who would otherwise be hurling themselves under trains, etc etc…

What is your greatest regret?
Not having an extra arse.

What gives you pleasure?
Having obvious right-wing targets like George Bush to criticise, making me look all dissident and leftist.

When and where were you happiest?
8.10am September 11th 2001.

How often do you have sex?
Twice a week, twice a month and three times a week once a month. I have allocated sufficient time in this rota for my partner to go through her ‘menstrual necessaries’, as we like to call them!

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Editorship of the Guardian.

What would you motto be?
Respect yourself ‘cos ain’t no one else gonna.

What keeps you awake at night?
The future.